Ok. There. I've done everything I was supposed to do whether I wanted to do it or not. I got through. Its January 3rd, 2010 and I have the next two days off. Winter is in full force out my window blowing in horse size, tasmanian devil, swirling clouds of snow. Pretty much life like. Duh! Life it's self! I don't mind. Last year was the three year winter. Well, I'll need at least another one to help me get everything out that I need to surrender. I guess this years CD is out of the question. I have no space with Bill never working and Nick in his 20 year limbo. It is what it is. Right?
I feel like an old fashioned wooden top. The kind that gets wound up with a string. I've been wound for sound and let go, spinning out of control in chaos direction. I happened to have managed it well. I think. I'm here. Fate is the person with the string. And the way I talk you think I survived a holocaust or something. Not! Just my fathers death and these…sorry but… these fucking holidays.
Last night driving home, there was a buck having just crossed the road with his head heavy under his rack and lowered pushing through the wind and snow. He looked a lot like dad in his last year. I wasn't surprised at this sign as I'm pretty in tune. Mom said Dad knew his time was coming. As ill as he was he got through some "jobs around the house" that needed to be done. That was my dad. Other than his health, he was up to snuff in every way. He left my mom sitting pretty. Like little miss muffet crying on a paid for tuffet, weeping into a white laced handkerchief. Dad left Mom with everything up to snuff. My mom, the stay at home rug hooking house wife is a pretty tough dutch woman after all. I'm proud of her the way she has handled everything. Well I've always know she was tough. You don't want to tangle with Mom on issues she claims she knows everything about. So, after all these holidays that I'd rather call selfish social lynchings. Dad's death is hitting home. It's the finality of it all. Its real. It hit me for real in the last hour of 2009 in the front porch room of the Mountain Top after I finished my gig. I sobbed out of control while the Sherburne locals laughed, danced and drank shots of Yager welcoming in the new year. The hour from 11:00 till midnight was the longest year of my life. Bad year for the D's. Dead dog, dead dad, done deal. Not coming back. I still hear his voice. Bill didn't know his first name after vodka on the rocks followed by several shots of that licorice shit. But I got him home that night with 2009 sadly not far behind. Its weird. 2009 was a hard year but I didn't want it to end and go away cause that means Dad and Ed dog will go away. Further and Further. Like letting go of a balloon. I hope the day never comes when I can't see they're color floating away in the sky.
So I'm getting on! What else is there to do! I got a job! Honestly its a blessing. Back in the food and beverage industry saddle again! The one I should never have left. I'm loving it! Making money hand over fist. I imagine it will slow down now that the selfish social lynching is over. I'm working at a place called Michaels in Waterville. I'm not gonna go into this story as its another I plan on blogging about with some video footage. In short, Great place. Excellent food and most importantly. I have a new family and the selfish social lynching is paid for and not on a credit card.
So today is mine. I need to visit Nanny and her new dog Tiko, a long haired chihuahua puppy I'm absolutely smitten with. I need to visit my old pal Maggie and talk interior design over a glass of red boxed wine. I need to drop my car off at Moore's tire to get the brakes worked on tomorrow. I need to probably track down my son Nick and see what his needs are. I need to ask the egg lady if I can get one or two extra dozen of organic eggs for my new friend/manager Duke. I need to talk to Nancy about how cool it is I'm surrounded by sweet gay men all of a sudden. I need to get my camera out and take some winter shots. I need to get a cup of coffee with cream and honey from Johnston's Bee farm in Eaton. This honey is from Central New Yorks summer wildflowers and is the most beautiful tone of light golden yellow I ever saw. Like a childhood summer itself all yellow, warm and gooey in a safe square jar. My friend Meredith came to visit one Saturday after the Poolville's Farmer's Market with her arms full of coffee and this honey. Coffee to keep me going, she said, and honey for my immune. Love that girl. Not many people come to visit, I live so out of the way, but the ones that do come, are cherished! I need to NOT get involved with David Bartletts death. Just to sad. I need to get over feeling guilty about not dealing with David Bartlett's death. He was a friend from farther circle. I'm so sorry for his family and will bake cookies and drop them off. I guess the real reason I need NOT to deal with David's death is because it involves many people whom I love dearly but the only way they can deal with this tragedy is to climb inside a bottle. Ironic. This was pretty much David's own demise. He fell down a flight of stairs New Years morning. Great way to start the year! I need to NOT go there! I guess needing to do, is purpose to live. And while I'm needing to do all these things. I need to get my Beef Bourguignon simmering in my new Martha Stewart dutch oven. But first I need to get dressed, step away from the laptop and help shovel out the driveway so I can get to Price Chopper. HMMM! If I can get to Price Chopper! Its nasty out there. I was just told that we are in the middle of getting 5 to 10 inches of snow. I guess much of the things I need to do today will have to wait till tomorrow...Next plan.
